How Churches and Professional Counselors Can Partner to Help People Heal
By Joy Hunter, Anglican Diocese of South Carolina
When I was in my late 20s, one of the associate rectors at Grace Church in New York City said from the pulpit, “Every Christian needs to be committed to three regular practices: prayer, Bible study, and therapy.” *
“Therapy?” Where did that come from?
In the years since, the world has undergone massive cultural and technological shifts. We are more “connected,” perhaps, with more “friends” than ever before—and yet often lonelier. The need for emotional and psychological support as we navigate an increasingly complicated world is significant.
When asked how the challenges people face today differ from those of the past, Meredith Gawai, founder and owner of Deeply Well, a Christian counseling center in Mt. Pleasant, SC, was quick to point to technology.
“The first thing my mind goes to is the level of exposure people have to the harm and suffering of the world,” she said. “We know more than previous generations through 24-hour news. There’s no barrier to entry at any age if you have a phone, laptop, or TV.”
“So, we meet 12-year-olds who’ve looked at porn, despite living in Christian homes, and 16-year-olds who are anxious and emotionally lost watching the conflict in the Middle East. The pain of living in a broken world is everywhere and occurs much earlier in a child or teen’s development.”
The Rev. Jonathan Bennett, rector of Church of the Holy Spirit, Daniel Island, and his wife, Melissa, invited Meredith and her team of licensed counselors to their church—not only to make connections with individuals, but also to lead classes and workshops, removing barriers to making that first connection with a therapist.
“I’m not an expert,” said Jonathan. “When an individual or couple comes for counseling, I typically meet with them one, two or even three times, but sometimes the issue is beyond my scope. I’ll say, ‘We need to talk this through and pray about it, but I know my limitations and you need to see someone who is trained to help you.’”
Melissa agreed. “As a youth pastor, I’m always telling students, ‘Look, I can pray with you, I can help disciple you and assist you in your spiritual direction and growth, but I cannot help you with your eating disorder.’ That is not my job as a pastor. Our job is to point people to Jesus, but sometimes people have issues that need input from a professional.”
Jonathan compares it to physical illness. “‘I can pray for that, and God might heal you. But often he doesn’t.’ Licensed counselors and therapists provide mental health treatment in a way I can’t.”
The church, in fact, is often the place where an individual’s inner pain comes to the surface.
“What’s really beautiful about the local church,” said Meredith, “is that if somebody comes and gets connected, they can feel safe enough to be vulnerable about who they are and what struggles they face. That’s why churches are actually one of the best places to discover how therapy could be beneficial.”
Meredith shared, “I’ve heard some people ask, ‘Why are pastors contracting out their discipleship to therapists?’ But that’s not what’s happening. It’s that people feel safe enough to show their pastors and church leaders what’s truly going on, and the leaders are wise enough to point towards professional support.”
Partnering with the Local Church
The Bennetts and the Church of the Holy Spirit have partnered with Deeply Well in a number of ways, including inviting their teen and family counselors to lead five sessions on parenting children. The free gatherings were open to the public and addressed the psychological and emotional development that occurs from pregnancy through adulthood.
“Offering these was also a way to reach beyond our church family,” said Jonathan, “to our preschool families as well as non-believers.”
“Offering a psychoeducational class serves as an investment in the congregation,” said Meredith. “ Counselors are sharing emotional coping tools and teaching about childhood development to make families stronger.
“After it’s over, someone will inevitably come up and begin telling their story, and I will say, ‘That is a pretty big thing you’re carrying. It sounds really hard.’ They usually take a deep breath in agreement. So many of those conversations have led to people beginning therapy with us or having us refer them to other therapists we trust.”
“That was one of our hopes,” said Jonathan, “that people would realize, ‘Hey, this is a great course, but I actually need more help.’”
The partnership has extended to caring for church staff as well. Meredith joined them during a staff day away to help staff members process some of the difficult situations they encounter in ministry.
“I think people found that really helpful,” said Jonathan.
“It was a way of caring for the people who are caring for the people,” said Melissa. “Often those in pastoral roles don’t have anyone checking in on them because they’re always the ones doing the checking in. It was really nice to have someone help us walk through some of the painful things we deal with in ministry.”
Deeply Well has also partnered with local churches through consulting through difficult transitions, creating referral processes, and teaching on staff burnout prevention.
“You’re Valuable. You Deserve Help.”
The church also created a designated fund to help individuals cover the initial cost of therapy.
“So far we’ve been able to cover at least eight sessions for anyone in our parish who needs it,” said Jonathan. “That way money is not a barrier to getting help.”
“That’s absolutely huge in getting people in the door so they can get the help they need,” said Meredith. “When a church puts money aside for a parishioner’s counseling, people know, ‘You’re valuable. We want to support you and think you deserve help.’
“In Christian culture, people often absorb the message that if they’re struggling with their mental health or their marriage, it’s because they’re not faithful,” she continued. “But we live in a broken world with broken people. Counseling isn’t about telling people how to fix their kids or their spouse or their parents. It’s helping them accept appropriate responsibility for the things that are in their control and the things that are not. Often that involves surrendering to the Lord in ways they haven’t before.
“If people can get through the door, just get here, we can walk with them through the really difficult things. As therapists, we have the expertise, the strategies, and the experience. I think the turning point is when people begin to say, ‘This is too much for me to carry by myself. I think I need some help.’”
To learn more about local Christian counseling, contact Deeply Well at info@deeplywell.org or visit their website at www.deeplywell.org/
* The Very Rev. Dr. Paul F.M. Zahl, in a recent telephone conversation, said “a Christian generally needs — requires, at least in my experience — three elements in his or her ‘walk’ of faith in order to grow, let alone heal from the wounds of experience: 1) regular hearing of the Word of God (One-Way Love in church on Sundays); 2) becoming part of a small group of fellow Christians, who nurture, love and sustain the individual; and (3) some form of one-to-one mentoring /counselling/therapy: some wise listener to help the person walk through the hurts of life. On point (3), everyone needs someone to listen to them. That’s not an optional extra.”
